Til Death Do Us Part

I’ve been married for four years. When I got married, no one told me just how hard it was going to be, but it seemed like everyone was betting that it wouldn’t even last a year.

I promised to take him that day, and for the rest of my life, even on days like today when he’s either annoying the shit out of me or pissing me off.

I promised for better or for worse, on days where I just want to throw in the towel and give up, and on days when his arms are right where I want to be.

I promised in sickness and in health. When one of us has a stomach bug and we look like zombies, the other one of us takes care of the other. If he were to get gravely ill, I’d be right by his side every single day.

I promised to love and to cherish him. He deserves the very best of me, even though sometimes he gets the very worst.

I promised all  of that for as long as we both shall live. Meaning whether I like it or not, I’m stuck with this amazing man for the rest of my life.

I love this man more than words can describe. He is my rock, my solid place, my safe place to land, my shoulder to cry on. He is the father of my children. He is really amazing, and on days like today when I just want to punch him in the throat, I need to realize how lucky I am to have such a gentle, but strong man by my side.

Marriage is a roller coaster, but if you hang on long enough, you might just enjoy  the ride.

Zero

The only question I have is “Why?”

Why did you decide to leave us? Didn’t you know that I needed you? I still  need you. Did you think about all the things you’d miss? My graduation, my wedding, meeting my kids?

It’s been 13 years. December 18, 2000 is a day I will never forget. It’s the day I didn’t get to say goodbye. It’s the day my world shattered, and will never be the same again. It’s the day the whole family changed.

I still think about you everyday. I wonder who you’d be, if you would have had kids, be married, what you would be doing.

I’ve needed you so much over the years. I’ve needed someone to talk to, to help me. My kids would love you. You’d be their favorite uncle. MR gives the best hugs, and GM would just melt your heart.

When I hear your name, it’s not the same.
No matter what they say, I’m not okay.
And we started at zero, and went different ways.
Now we’re all out here wasting away.

And if we started at zero, then how did things change? It seems like just yesterday we were the same

I miss you.