Four months.

Four months is all it took for you to tear my world apart and change me completely.

When we first met I was excited. I was shocked that someone would want to be with me. We started dating, and we spent all of our time together, but that’s what happens when you start falling for someone. You don’t want to be apart from them for even a second.

Then it all started. It started with you taking my innocence. You knew I was waiting for sex until marriage, but you took that choice away from me. You forced me into sex with you every day. Finally I just started agreeing because I knew if I didn’t, you’d take it anyway.

You took my brothers suicide and used it against me. Every time we had an argument (which if you don’t remember, it was more than once a day), you pulled out your gun and threatened to kill yourself. You even made me load it for you. You probably don’t remember, but I have the scars that remind me every day that I did everything I could to keep you from killing yourself. I didn’t know it then, but you never had the intention of actually pulling the trigger. You just wanted to get into my head.

You tried to get me pregnant so we would have to be in each others lives forever.

You bought me a phone, but that’s all you ever gave me. You bought it for me so you would be able to get ahold of me anywhere, anytime. If I didn’t answer it, you’d accuse me of cheating on you.

You’d tell me how I could and couldn’t dress. You wouldn’t let me wear makeup because you didn’t want me to look pretty for anyone but you. I had to wear my hair down and straight. You made me tell my mom that I was going to move with you to Oklahoma, and that I was never going to listen to what she said again. You told me I wasn’t allowed to go to Walmart with her and my grandma, because if I was away from you, I wouldn’t be under your control.

Every day I regret letting you come into my 16 year old life. I regret not seeing the warning signs. I regret that I let you convince me that you loved me.

Now I know what happiness really is. I have a husband who loves me and two children who are the biggest blessings. I’m not being controlled. I have someone who respects my boundaries, and understands why I wont do certain things. I’m no longer afraid. I’m not afraid of the consequences if I don’t listen. I’m not afraid of arguments. I’m not afraid of saying no.

You see, you may have had a huge impact on who I was, but you don’t have my future. You don’t have control over me anymore.


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