Why does she?

Why does she get so angry? Why won’t she come hang out? Why didn’t she come to my party? Why does she go silent?

I can’t speak for everyone on this subject. Depression and anxiety are not textbook. They are not the same for everyone, but for me…

They steal my happiness. They are the voice inside my head that screams HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU. They make me over think. They make me think my kids deserve a better mother, and my husband deserves a better wife.

They steal my health. Why is she always asleep? Why? Because I physically can not get out of my bed. My anxiety has me so terrified that something is going to happen, that I can’t even force myself to get up. I get headaches, nauseous, and dizzy.

They steal my motivation. Why don’t you ever cook? Do you know how many mornings I wake up and say “Today’s the day! I’m going to cook, clean, play with the dog, cuddle the kids, and love on my husband!”? Every. Single. Day. How many days have I accomplished all of this in the last few years? A handful.

This isn’t even all that my anxiety and depression have put me through. There’s the suicidal thoughts, constant physical and emotional pain, constant dreams that make Stephen King’s books look like a fairy tale, and more.

Baby, please don’t think it’s you. Please know that it’s all me, and thank you for being there for me through it all.

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